This gift guide covers a lot of bases.
There’s clothing, housewares, sex toys, body care, and more. But just a note: You might be expecting sex toys to take up a lot of space in this gift guide. They don’t.
Buying a toy is an incredibly personal decision and there’s no one specific toy that is going to make a good gift for someone—the only way to know that is to communicate, ask questions, and yeah, maybe even shop together. If you want help buying a toy for yourself or someone else, book a consult and I’ll help you narrow down your options. There are a few options included here; they’re listed because they’re versatile and work for many different body types and situations.
The vast majority of these gift options are made by independent creators and sex educators, not by big corporations. No one has paid me to be featured here; these are all items that I think could make great gifts. There are a couple of affiliate links in this post, and each one is very clearly marked. These aren’t listed in any particular order, either, so if you’re looking for something specific (like a mug or shirt) I recommend using the CTRL-F function to browse quickly.
1. Clit Mug by the Intimacy Firm
This ceramic mug has a gold/bronze clitoris front and center. It’s subtle enough that you could use it when conservative family members are around while still showing off your clitoral knowledge.
It comes in black and white and two different mug styles (a tapered mug and a standard mug, pictured left). The clit is a vinyl sticker that is more firmly in place than I ever could have imagined — mine has gone through the dishwasher more than 20 times and it still is in perfect shape. (But the instructions say don’t put it through the dishwasher…so…maybe don’t do that!)
2. Book: Sex-Positive Talks to Have with Kids
If you’re someone who interacts with kids (whether you’re a parent, other relative, caregiver, teacher, social worker, or another role entirely), you should probably buy this book. It’s a comprehensive guide to raising healthy and informed young people. It’s also simply organized and easy to navigate through. It includes topics that can be brought up with young people of all ages.
3. Book: Not On My Watch: The Bystanders Handbook for the Prevention of Sexual Violence
This 60-page book is actually a comic book. It’s a simple (and cute) way to explain bystander intervention. You can order them in bulk for just $2 per book (for orders of 50 books or more) or you can order just one for $5. You can also get the e-book for totally free, which is cool.
4. Prints from Fabulously Feminist
The Fabulously Feminist shop makes everything from art prints to mugs to sweatshirts, so if there’s a design that you love, chances are you could have it on all the things. You can also build your own multipack of prints, which is what I did to decorate my office (if you peep the background in You Deserve Good Sex, you can spot some of their work).
5. T-Shirts from The Intimacy Firm
There are a few different shirt styles that The Intimacy Firm offers, but my favorites are the “Pro-Pleasure” design (pictured left) and the “It’s the Clit for Me” design.
Each shirt has different color options (generally, black, white, and red) and comes in sizes S-2X.
6. Zines & Prints from Pleasure Pie
7. Sex Educator Nutrition Facts T-Shirt
If someone in your life is dreaming of becoming a sex educator (or they already are one) then this shirt might be a cute option for them! It comes in a variety of color combinations and sizes, but there’s limited stock, so you’ll have to explore to find your perfect one. Tanya Bass (pictured left) also sells several other t-shirt designs created especially for sex educators.
8. NSFW Wall Art from NSFW Embroidery
Marin Boyle (the artist behind NSFW Embroidery) embroiders things in beautiful ways that I’ll never understand (in a very good way). Most of their work is done in a “thread painted” style, which makes their pieces look glossy and three-dimensional. Some of their pieces are nudes, some are words, some are objects. All of them are mesmerizing.
9. Affirmations Mini-Prints (from me!)
I made the affirmations from this Instagram post available as prints. I asked my Instagram followers which designs they’d be most interested in, and these are the three they asked for.
“I deserve to live a life filled with pleasure and joy. I am worthy of good things.”
“I am not broken just because I am struggling. Healing is hard work.”
“I deserve to set and protect my boundaries. My needs matter.”
10. Nipple Pasties by Luna Matatas
Luna Matatas is a sex-positive educator based in Toronto. She’s also wildly skilled at crafting things — just look at her impressive collection of handmade nipple pasties! Her Etsy shop has dozens of options ranging from seashells for your Ariel costume to tassels for your next burlesque show.
11. Harnesses by Gnat Glitter Kink
If you’re looking for more sparkly sex-positivity in your life and a handmade harness (or choker, or handcuffs, or a bunch of other things), then you should absolutely look at the Gnat Glitter Kink shop. Each piece is so mesmerizing, it’s hard to take your eyes off the screen. While they do offer commissions, they often sell out of slots super quickly. So, shop the ready-to-ship section of their site instead.
12. Book: The Monster Under the Bed
It’s tempting to say “if you or someone you know has dealt with depression, buy this book,” but honestly, this book could benefit anyone. It’s a helpful read informed by surveys and interviews and includes practical advice, too. Add it to your 2021 book list and then start a book club so you can tell all of your friends about it.
13. Leather Harnesses by Emma Alamo
Emma Alamo (based in Chicago) makes truly stunning leatherware. There are so many delightful options, ranging from colors to face cages to harnesses for many different parts of your body. If you’re vegan but still covet the badass look of leather, no worries — there are vegan options, too.
14. Book: Come As You Are
When people come to me asking why their level of sex drive has changed or if it’s normal that they don’t match up with their partner, I refer them to this book. It’s (mostly) an easy read and in addition to being absolutely packed full of information, it also contains quizzes and worksheets to help you better understand how you experience desire.
15. “Here for a Good Time” Crop Tops (by me)
This crop top comes in three colors (deep pink, gold, and charcoal) and features an illustration of the internal structure of the clitoris with the text “here for a good time.” It’s a fabric blend of 35% cotton and 65% polyester, with raw edge sleeves and hem. Available in sizes XS-2XL (sizing follows “women’s” sizes, so double-check your fit before ordering).
16. “Do It for the Dopamine” Baseball T-Shirts (by me)
This full-length t-shirt is 100% cotton and comes in “unisex” sizing in either maroon or navy. Subtle enough that people might actually think you’re talking about sports, clear enough that your sex-positive friends will know what’s up. It’s available in XS-3XL.
17. Book: Vaginas and Periods 101
This is another great book for parents, caregivers, and educators. It’s a pop-up book, so it contains 3-D elements to help make education fun and simple. It also doesn’t use any pronouns or gender references throughout!
18. Le Wand Original Rechargeable Wand
Le Wand’s original size wand vibrator is a great, versatile toy. You can use it for all-over body stimulation (externally only). The head is made of silicone and it boasts 10 vibration strengths and 20 patterns. It also comes with travel adaptors for different regions, so you never have to worry about it dying on you. It also comes in “petite” if you’re looking for a smaller or lighter option. (Note: the links below are affiliate links, so if you make a purchase from them, I may receive a small commission).
19. Sliquid Lube Cube Sampler
Lube is a tool that helps reduce friction during sex, which decreases the risk of unwanted pain and tearing. Plus, it can just make things feel even better. Sliquid is the brand I recommend most often, thanks to their hypoallergenic and body-safe formulas. (Note: The links below are affiliate links, so if you make a purchase from them, I may receive a small commission).
20. Menstrual Cycle Poster by I Heart Guts
This 18×24 poster is a fun and colorful way to teach people of all ages about the menstrual cycle. Hang it up in a bathroom, your office, or whatever education happens. This poster doesn’t use any pronouns or gender references.
21. The Wondrous Vulva Puppet
This handmade plush puppet is made of velvet and satin, but you can commission one in any color or fabric combination you want. Use it as a teaching tool, sofa accent, or both!
22. The Vesper by Crave
It’s a necklace and a vibrator, so you can literally wear your pleasure. The vibrator is USB-rechargeable. You can get it in three different colors and even get it engraved with a message of your choosing. It starts at $69 and prices increase from there based upon the finishing and if you opt to engrave it.
23. Massage Candle “burn” by Maude
This candle is made with jojoba oil and comes in both scented and unscented varieties. Once the wax has melted, you can pour it onto skin and use it as a massage oil (or just let it be a candle).
24. Lube & Stuff from The Butters
The Butters is a Black-owned company that is also abundantly gay. (They sell a lube specifically designed for fisting and for handjobs). If you’re someone who likes the feel of an oil-based lube but wants something thicker, check them out. You can buy a sample pack of their three formulas (aloe+shea, cocoa butter, and palm grease) for $24. A heads-up, though: All of The Butters’ products will degrade latex barrier methods, so only use them with non-latex options or for direct skin-to-skin contact.
25. An At-Home STI Test from Nurx
Nurx got started as a birth control delivery company, but now they offer migraine treatment, herpes treatment, PrEP, emergency contraception, and STI tests, too. If you’re ready for your latest round of STI screening, their at-home test kits can help you out. There are a few different options, so explore and find the one that’s best for you. This is a more of a gift-for-yourself situation; you can offer to pay for your partners’ tests, but Nurx also gives you the option to add insurance info, so get it covered if you can.
26. A Sex Pillow from Liberator
Liberator has tons of sex furniture, ranging from blankets and small pillows to an entire couch. Using pillows to bolster your hips during sex can reduce pressure on your joints and make it easier to reach orgasm in certain positions (and can help your partner feel more comfortable, too). That can all be accomplished with high-intensity foam pillows, but if you want something dedicated to your pleasure, try the Wedge from Liberator. It comes in a smaller size option and a plus-size option for folks above 300 pounds.
View the standard-size Wedge here and the plus-size Wedge here.
27. Book: These are My Eyes, This is My Nose, This is My Vulva, These are My Toes
Dr. Lexx Brown-James is a couples therapist and sex educator, and These are My Eyes, This is My Nose, This is My Vulva, These are My Toes is her book for children and caregivers. If you (or someone you know) is still in the “no-no parts” phase of teaching their children about body parts, buy them a copy of this book. It’ll help destigmatize totally normally names for body parts for both the adult and child.
28. Shame-Free Zone Canvas Bag with Barrier Method & Lube Samples
This canvas bag is big enough to hold a couple of sex toys, your barrier methods and lube supplies, or just a lot of colorful pens. The design is glittery but it won’t shed glitter around your house. I’ll ship it out stocked with samples of a variety of barrier methods and lubricants, and perhaps a couple of other surprises. Purchasing one of these bags allows me to send free barrier methods to folks who need them.
28. Vulva Stickers by MaxLeCon
These bright and colorful stickers showcase the many different shapes and designs that vulvas come in. One pack comes with 9 vulva stickers. But just as a heads-up, these ship from France, so it may take a bit longer for them to arrive.
29. Pretty Queer T-Shirts from Autostraddle
Autostraddle has a lot of very queer merch for sale in their store. You could buy a scissoring sweatshirt, a hat that says “dykes”, or a bunch of very cute pins. Their merch helps fund the website.
30. Your Personal Gay Agenda by KJH Bowties
If you’ve been searching for the gay agenda, well, it’s here and handcrafted by Kevin Harrell. In addition to bowties and a bunch of other things, Kevin makes really beautiful leather goods. I actually have this agenda and my favorite thing about it is that the notebook inside of it is a totally replaceable composition book – so as soon as I fill up the pages, I buy a new one for 50 cents, and I’m good to go. You can buy the journal on Kevin’s website, but I actually recommend reaching out to him via his contact form to discuss the colors and details you’re looking for.
31. “Less Oppression, More Orgasms” Shirt by Afrosexology
It says what it says. You can get the “less oppression, more orgasms” design in a tank top, t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. Afrosexology also has a few other sex-positive designs if you’re looking for something a little more subtle.
32. “SEX EDU” Shirt by Goody Howard
Goody Howard is a Texas-based sex educator. She sells tons of t-shirt designs, but this one is her most iconic one – the RUN DMC logo updated to say SEX EDU. Get it for the sex educators in your life (or the people who are just really passionate about sex education). It comes in sizes XS-4XL.